No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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