My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
