Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
