Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
