My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
