Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Randomize