Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
