I'm laying in your front yard are you home
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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