K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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