My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
