What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
