totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
