My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
