My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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