Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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