why do cheetos always look like penises
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
