Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
