one word: firstdatebathroomanal
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
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