i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize