I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
