if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
