so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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