South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
