My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Randomize
