ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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