my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
