just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
