clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
