I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
