If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
