Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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