Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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