I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
