my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
the room spins SO much faster in panama
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
