Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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