P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
