So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
