i just wanna soil my oats bro
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
