we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
