I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I can text with my tongue
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
