I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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