just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
