i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
