yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
