It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
