ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
