theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
