He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
All I want is dick and wine.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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