i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Randomize
