You work out of a Hotel?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
