yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
