Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
