We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
