"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
