to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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