oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
