Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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