I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
