i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
