Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
