Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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