I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Farmville is her only friend.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
