You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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