I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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