is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
mondays should just be called national damage control day
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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