We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
