Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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