God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
