i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
i think we sleep fucked last night...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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