Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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