Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
