how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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