I wish my penis had an off switch
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
