There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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