I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
