My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
These tits shall not be calmed
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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