thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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