Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize