Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
