I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Someone came in the potted fern
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
