She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I see more hoeing in ur future
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