there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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