Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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