Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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