i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
