He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
