I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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