Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
