i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
