This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
