Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
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