make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
