Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
