What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
