If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
he quoted the bible to break up with me
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
