Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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