Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
