look no pants
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
so let's talk penis.
Operation Purity has been aborted
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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