So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
