eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
