Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize