like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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