we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
