My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
