I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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