explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
