remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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