I think my fart just growled at me.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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