pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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