im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
