I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
pray to the hookup gods
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
