woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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