More tranny stories later!
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
