Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I need to sanitize my soul.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
