I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
